when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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