either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
