You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
