playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
