How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
