That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
