By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
