i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
