ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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