i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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