isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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