i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just had sex bonerless
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
