Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
