I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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