this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
