I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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