This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize