But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
