The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
