haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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