Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
