i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
