Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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