My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
