If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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