No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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