They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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