You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
