Got a toothbrush?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
How's work?
Spinning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
