I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
