Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Terrible idea I love it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
