omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
