ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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