She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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