I don't think brook has ever known best
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
