stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
