I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
