is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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