Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
