We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
