Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize