I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize