you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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