i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
