so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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