At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
