I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
