As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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