i will never coherently bang her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
