Me. At least after what I've been through.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
