We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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