Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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