Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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