I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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