my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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