That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
