I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
